So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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