meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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