My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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