DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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