Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
