What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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