When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
