He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
