Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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