is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
