you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
