this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
should my penis look like a turkey
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
