remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it glows. i had to have it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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