ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
