Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
