Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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