Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
