you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
