He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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