I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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