i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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