Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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