Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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