I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
