Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
