ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
