dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
