I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
