the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
