You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
