the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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