can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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