my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
