who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
