Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
