Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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