I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
