so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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