I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
