is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Randomize
