look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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