i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
