you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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