garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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