my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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