What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
