I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish I only lived at night.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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