every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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