I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
