my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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