if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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