As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
