I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
