you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
