You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
